


The Day I Let Myself Free

by TrueAlphaIsMyAlpha



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Age Difference, Bisexual Dean, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester, Trans Castiel, Transgender
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 03:36:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6453820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrueAlphaIsMyAlpha/pseuds/TrueAlphaIsMyAlpha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cassandra Novak hates the body she is confined in. She has been pushed around and told what to say, what to wear, and how to act for too long. She is about to snap and let herself be the man he knows he is. Castiel Novak is about to let himself free.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Day I Let Myself Free

**Author's Note:**

> I have never tried to write something like this, but one if my best friends insisted I try. I really truly hope that I am doing justice to transgender people everywhere and how uncomfortable the are in their bodies and the amount of discrimination and hatred that other people direct towards them. I honestly believe that you are all entitled to the right of your bodies and you can do whatever you like to them; wear whatever you like, get whatever surgery you like, whatever tattoo or piercing you like. All that matters is you do whatever makes you happy. Love yourselves.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! Let me know your thoughts and opinions in the comments below!

“You can’t wear that to the dinner party, Cassie. Those types of clothes are for men. Go look for a cute dress. You need to look classy for tonight. Then you can go back to your ‘tomboy’ look. I bet that blue one will go great with your eyes.” My stepmom Linda laughed and pointed to a rack of dresses in my size. I looked down at the nice black slacks and silky blue shirt I had picked out. I bit the inside of my lip and nodded before walking to put them back. 

It’s humiliating how she is still controlling me after all these years. I’m twenty four, not fourteen! Just because I live under her roof doesn’t mean I lose my rights as a person. As I got to the rack I found the clothes, I picked out a couple more outfits. Anger was bubbling inside me and I could feel my face turning red. I hated the clothes she picked out, I hated how I looked in them, I hated my body, and I hated the way she talked to me. She was so condescending and demeaning with her words. I’m an adult, and I am honestly so exhausted from following her every word. I held my head high as I walked over to the front desk.

I handed the clothes to the lady and tapped my fingers anxiously. I smiled at her and she smiled back. I felt more comfortable as I saw her fold them and scan the tags. “Buying some new clothes for your boyfriend?” She asked as she began to bag the clothes. My smile fell and I stared at my fingers ashamed, and simply shrugged. Maybe this really was ridiculous. This isn’t normal, and I bet she thinks I’m some freak. I paid quickly and left before Linda noticed.

When I got home I instantly went to Linda’s dresser to find her tightest pair of pantie hose. I cut the legs to make arm holes and the crotch to make a head hole. I threw the extra pieces away before slipping it on. I stood in front of my stand up mirror and admired my makeshift binder. It was a little wonky, but it would have to do for now. I smiled to myself and got dressed in the outfit Linda told me I couldn’t wear. My footsteps felt lighter as I dug through my father’s closet for a nice hat. I tied my hair up into a bun and put the hat on to cover it. I stared at myself in the mirror for a while. It felt wrong, but I couldn’t help the massive weight that was slowly lifting off of my chest. I finally felt that I looked good for once. I liked the outfit, and with it on I liked my body. 

I could hear guests arriving downstairs, and there was a soft tap on my bedroom door. “Cassie, hurry up. People are asking for you. You don’t want to disappoint.” Linda’s voice made me jump. I felt like I had just been caught doing something extremely terrible. My heart started to beat fast, my palms got sweaty, and part of me wanted to run and hide. I turned and looked in the mirror again. I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face. I pulled the door open and the look on my stepmom’s face was not what I had hoped for, but it was exactly what I had expected. “What the hell are you wearing, Cassandra Novak!? There are guests here! What happened to your breasts!? I swear that if this is another act of defiance I will have your father cancel your tuition payments! I have had it up to here with your attitude!” She whispered angrily. “Hurry up and put on something decent before someone sees you, and we’ll just forget this foolishness.” She scoffed as she turned to leave.

“No.” I whispered. Linda instantly stopped in her tracks. “I look fine this way. This is what I am wearing,” I crossed my arms, “and do not call me Cassandra, or Cassie. My name is Cas.”

Now, prior to this conversation I had never been hit. Not once in my entire life had I been hit. Not by anyone, and definitely not by a family member. I felt betrayed and completely shocked when I felt my cheeks stinging. 

“Put one something acceptable and get your ass downstairs.” She yelled. I shook my head as tears began to fall. Pushing her out of the way I ran downstairs. I noticed there were multiple eyes staring at me as I grabbed the keys from the table by the door and left. 

I called up a friend of mine, Hannah, and asked if I could stay with her until her boyfriend got back from studying abroad in Spain. She graciously said yes, and told me to stop and get tissues and ice cream. I spent the evening crying over spoons full of ice cream while Hannah told me I was brave and that I really knew the good ice cream flavors. 

“Hannah, do you think there’s something wrong with me?” I asked from the bathroom where I was stood in front of the mirror staring at myself. Hannah walked in and leaned against the doorframe.

“Well, yeah duh.” She snorted. I gasped and looked at her with wide eyes. She reached forward and took my hat off and my hair tie out. My long black hair fell to the middle of my back. It was soft and straight, and I’m sure may girls would love to have hair like mine, but I absolutely hated it. “This hair has got to go.” Hannah giggled before running from the room. She came back with a pair of scissors. I smiled at her as she began to cut long pieces off. 

I watched as the hair below my ears fell to the ground. My chest began to swell and I could feel my cheeks turning red, my throat swelling, and my eyes stinging. When Hannah finished I had to gasp for air because I had been holding my breath. “That’ll have to do for tonight. We’ll take you to a barber tomorrow after work.”  
“Oh my god! Work! What if I get fired?” I wheezed. This was my dream job. I was finally a head journalist for my favorite magazine, while getting my master’s degree in journalism online. I had just been promoted a little under 3 months ago. I couldn’t lose this job, but I also couldn’t hide who I was.

“Mr. Winchester won’t fire you, that’s ridiculous. You’re one of his best journalists. Plus, he totally has a soft spot for you.” Hannah shrugged. She turned and headed out into her hallway. I followed her to her closet at the end of the hall.

“Hannah, he had a soft spot for the old me. I’m not that person.” I sighed. Hannah laughed and began to pile multiple pillows and blankets into my arms. 

“You’re still the same person, Cas. You just look different. Just because your stepmom is a close-minded cunt doesn’t mean that everyone is that way. You have a great personality and that is why people like you. What you look like doesn’t matter to me, and it won’t matter to anyone who truly cares about you.” She squeezed my shoulder before heading out to the living room. 

“That’s why we’re best friends Hannah.” I smiled. I made a nice bed on the couch while she fetched me some of her boyfriend’s sweatpants and one of his hoodies. “Thank you, Hannah. Thank you for everything.”

“Of course, Cas. You can come to me with anything. Don’t forget that,” She ruffled my hair “and don’t spend all night worrying. Everything will work out. Anyone who has a problem with the real you, fuck ‘em. You don’t need toxic people in your life.” 

“Thanks, Hannah. Goodnight.” I watched her leave before turning the lights off and laying down on the couch. I tried to sleep. I really did. I was emotionally and physically exhausted, but I couldn’t help the dread that started to spread throughout my chest. The dread I felt was so strong. I didn’t want to go to work. I didn’t want to face my family. As I laid awake, I tangled my fingers in my new hair. I instantly started to feel better, and I began to slowly drift off.


End file.
